In failure

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 18:25:30 GMT

Well I'm updating from the student library at Wheaton college, because i have no other access to a computer.

Things have been to busy as of late. Cornerstone was a lot of fun, however the same day I got home I had to leave again for Champaign to come here.

I will update more about C-stone when I get home.

The conference has been awesome so far...more updates later also.

Things in Champaign hasn't worked out like i thought it would either... more details later... When I get home I'll probably make three separate post for each of those...

Until then...
...Be blessed...

-B

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 02:59:11 GMT

mewithoutYou was good. As was the Working Title. All in all it was a good trip.

Tomorrow I'm working at camp because they need someone to fill in. I was all excited when I said I would work, but then i thought of everything I need to do to get ready for this week.

The Cubs...they hurt my heart.

"I have a hard time remembering the things I should remember
and a hard time forgetting the things I should forget.
Oh Christ when You're ready to come back I think I'm ready for You to come back
but if You want to stay wherever exactly it is You are,
that's okay too - it's really none of my business.
If I didn't have You as my guide I'd still be wandering lost in Sinai
or down by the tracks watching trains go by to remind me:
There are places that aren't here.
I had a well but all the water left so I'll ask Your forgiveness with every breath"

C-stone is going to be real good, I just hope I have enough money.

Enough is enough.
-B

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 02:57:48 GMT

long time no see mr. live journal....

I check on lj almost daily, however i update only once every few months.... with the Lords help maybe that will change.

High school = done
It's hard to describe the feelings of not being in high school anymore. I miss it, but then i never want to see that school again. With summer here it brings be one step closer to moving on with my life, what ever is next. Hopefully in a few weeks I will be living in Champaign, but i still have no money or a place to live. That really kinda screws things up for me right now.

I really ready to move to somewhere new though. I'll miss everyone here for sure...

The past few weeks have been pretty surreal. So much has happened in so little time, least thats what it feels like.

My trip to Mexico was a lot of fun again this year. God is doing so much down there, its awesome to see everything that has/is happening down there. I was pretty happy to get home though. There's just something about home.

In a few days I'll be leaving for C-stone. More music than you can shake a stick at. Enough said. A day or two after getting back from c-stone I'll be leaving for Champaign and Wheaton. It feels weird to be so busy...I like it...but with being so busy I don't get to sleep as much as I would want....that will happen though.

I end here and make more updates later. I hate long post because it takes too long to read, and I can't pay attention that long.

-B

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 04:07:30 GMT

The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.
Great minds have purposes; little minds have wishes. Little minds are subdued by misfortunes; great minds rise above them."
John Milton

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 06:18:26 GMT

Its hard to update as much as i want to because i am never home.

actual school is done, all i have is exams.
game last night was good, tonights sucked.

After the game tonight i went to some random cheerleaders house because she had a bunch of people over.(i only went cuz i heard there was free food.) So i hung out for a little bit ate then left. But while i was there something just felt different. Even thought i was around a good 25+ group of people i still felt alone, knowing if that one person was there everything would be fine. But i left tonight with an understanding of what i would assume would be my feelings of the past few years.

It's difficult to put into words what I felt and feel right now.

I'll be around, but only if you cared as much as I do would it matter.

Tue, 31 May 2005 03:28:09 GMT

Myspace is taking over the world. My God in heaven save us all.

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 03:59:28 GMT

Friends only for awhile.

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 05:09:38 GMT

Hm I didn't know i had already updated about new york. Ah well. Heres some Copeland for your reading.

You don't have to be ashamed
'Cause you're a miracle through and through
Oh, and you don't have to be ashamed
Of the miracle inside of you

What has love become?
It's not like we used to hear in those old songs
And it's not like yours
What has love become?

Whoa...your love is in motion
And it's spinning me around, yeah
Whoa...my heart is in motion
For the movement that's in you

You should not be angry
If all she wants is your money
Oh, you should not be angry
'Cause all you want is her body

Whoa...your love is a fast song
And I'm dancing 'cause I'm in love with you
Whoa...my heart is in motion
For the rhythm inside you
Whoa...your love is a slow song
It's resounding through my world again
Whoa...my heart is in motion
For the song inside of you

Whoa...your love is in motion
And it's spinning me around, yeah
Whoa...your love is a fast song
And I'm dancing 'cause I'm in love with you
Whoa...your love is a slow song
It's resounding through my world again
Whoa...my heart is in motion
For the song inside of you

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 04:57:33 GMT

So a bunch of crazy crap has been in the past ehh week and a half.

There`s too much to write. Trip to new york translates into amazing experience and cant wait to do it again. I even hate big cities, but for some reason i loved that place. I would explain everything we did, but I'm too lazy to type it all, so how about you get off your lazy butt and ask me about it if you even care.

I was pretty fond of the storm today, I love storms.

But on not so good news, a girl that went to youth group on occasion died in a real bad car accident. She had a few friends in the group that i know better than her. A bunch of kids were supposed to come to the church to be together and whatnot, but ended up going to eastside. That left me and Jason in charge of home base, but nick and everyone headed back to church and about 75 kids came to hang out there. It was pretty awesome, we had no intention of pelting them with "Jesus loves you's" and the usual "Christian" agenda, we merely wanted to give them a place of safety where they could come and just be with their friends.

Through the whole corse of events i starting to think. Blah blah blah on how we take life for granted. But seriously, I have no point that i can get across in words.

Pretty sure I'm in love with the new Mae cd. Go buy it, or I'll send the Robbie T to whip you with his belt and eat your sorry soul.

Theres so many thoughts rushing in my head today about everything its hard to process everything. The human mind is too complex for a stupid journal to hold.

Whateve,
-brad-

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 05:22:36 GMT

"Say goodnight, but mean goodbye"

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 05:46:55 GMT

I wanted to update before I left for New York, but never got a chance.

New York was absolutely amazing to the fullest extent of my imagination. Theres no way I can put everything about it in one post. But heres some highlights......

-made some really cool new friends
-learned a lot about myself
-saw the world is so much more than i ever thought
-saw the big city (and robbie t knows what that means)

Theres so much more that could be said, but for now that is all.

Thanks to Cassi I got the new copeland cd like 2 weeks early. Its not too bad, but theres something just not right. New Mae comes out in a week, I'm really excited.

I'm Glad for Spring break, I don't really have too many plans. I also have the house to myself till Wednesday.

Me and robbie did our usual today, it was such a nice day too. Then we went and rented some Star Wars game that we played for an insanely long time.

-brad-

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 07:02:35 GMT

I feel so ungrateful for what i have sometimes. It happened so many times in the past, when i finally get something I'm not happy with it. Good thing theres always friends to set you straight and tell you "dont eff it up".

I leave for new york in 5 days. I'm really stoked.

I want to go to the fire when ready show on the first and the motion city soundtrack show on the 3rd, but on the 1st we have burn service then on the 3rd were playing in champaign. I havent been to a show in a long time.

I cant wait for the new copeland and mae cds.

I cant sleep tonight.

Pretty shallow/born post.
-brad-

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 05:03:56 GMT

Random tangent of the night

I was talking to robbie about this and now rachel. I asked them if they thought if people get alienated by Christians that are up in your face. Example, Oh dont worry Jesus loves you, or Just take it to Jesus. Which i believe both statements are very true.

However, people don't want anything pushed in their face. People have enough stuff shoved in their face as it is. People will push away if its continuously shoved in their face. People will not change unless they encounter God on a personal basis.

I am not saying not to mention Jesus in any way, shape, or form. But I believe that showing by our lifes, and the joy that he have in our lives will be more effective than words would ever be. I don't think theres anyway you can't bring up what He has done in your life, but today it seems like its to such an extreme. I know people have good intentions, but sometimes we have to look beyond our own intentions.

Sometimes we get to plant the seed, thats it, or we might get to see their lives get radically changed. I know I have trouble with this sometimes. I'm not saying that I'm perfect in this area. Thats for sure not the case. But it was just something on my mind.

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 03:52:48 GMT

I've been way too tired lately. I can't stop falling asleep in class.

I'm pretty happy though, one more day then rach will be home and I don't have school for 3 weeks.

I feel more like i did a year and a half ago.
I want to be like i used to be.
I feel so apathetic sometimes, and like a jerk.
I don't know whatever happend, but its over.
So here it goes.

So I'm thinking about maybe going back to semi-short hair again or something. I dont really know what to do with it.

I can't wait for New York. There will be so many opportunities
to build relationships, and hopefully fix a broken one. I'm the only junior guy going, and out of like 23 people going theres only 5 guys.

-brad-

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 05:32:56 GMT

New York City - 12 days
No school for 3 weeks - 4 days
Burn service - 4 days
Robbie's bar mitzvah - 16 days
Rach home!!!! - 4 days

Some times the past doesnt seem all bad.
Even with brokenness.
The tomorrow is a step closer to my dreams,
but I can't help but wonder.

When you stop questioning is when you stop growing.
-brad-

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 05:49:30 GMT

I've just been in a mood of not really understanding things. I accept things
how they are and how they are to be. Today me and rob went out driving a little bit, and i just thought about things. I love life and how its working out, but for some time i just contemplated. A lot has to do with my last post, there was so much more i wanted to say about that on that post. I just kinda lost the words.

I have all these thoughts in my head and no way to communicate them.

damn the black night with all it's foul temptation
I become what i always hated
When i was with you then

-brad-

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 05:16:12 GMT

The more I see the things of the world the more i dont understand it. I dont understand how a society that revolves around self-indulgence works. There are some people that would say that people arent selfish, but most motive for what we do is driven by what we can gain from it. The corruption has its place in all of our lives, even though we are called to be higher than the things of this world. We have to fight it with the only way that has been given to us.

You've shown me what it is to hunger for more.
You've shown me what satisfaction is, but to still hunger more.
You've given me desire.
I've finally seen life.

March is going to be a good month hopefully. Rach will be home, 3 weeks off school, and a lot of good music is coming out.

This post didnt really go anywhere.....

Burn service is going well, but we really need to get some stuff recorded. I want to get more stuff going with music.

-brad-

I'm boring

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 05:16:58 GMT

I need a digital camera so i can put pics on here....

My journal is boring. I need to spice it up. I neeeeed not to be boring. dang.

I agree with robbie(endingitall) the next year is gona be real interesting. Theres so much that possibly might happen. I've spent a lot of time thinking on how much that I might have to grow up, which i really need to anyway. The oppertunites that are coming up are amazing, but still the familiar is comfertable. Hopefully about this time next year I will be looking for a job and place down in Champaign. I hope all goes as planned and me and robbie go there. I'm so ready to be done with school, it seems like all it does is bring trouble. But such is life.</p>

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 05:02:30 GMT

Hmmm so i had a thought, maybe i should update sometime. Well 3 weeks later im doing it.

Things have been insanely different lately, but its a very good different. I kinda feel like im back into my grove of life. I think a lot of that has came about from hanging out with some new friends. And i could not be any more thankful for them.

The weekend was pretty good friday after work i hung out with robbie and nick and we watched a stupid movie. Then saturday i drove down to Edwardsville to hang out with rachel, and wow did i miss her/ do miss her. It was a great trip, i wish i had more time to go down there.

I might start updating more now, but maybe not of what happens so much as random thoughts and observations. Maybe a nice change.

I just got done cleaning out a lot of old clothes of mine. I have a lot of crap.

Blah blah blah capitalism stole robbies virginity.

Yeah more to come later.
be blessed
-Brad-

Thu, 23 Dec 2004 04:06:11 GMT

Today was nice.

Hung out with Nick and Drew and got stuff ready for youth group. It went well. Actually i had more fun at youth group tonight than i have in a really long time.

Thanks to Jillian for talking to me on Tuesday night, you have no idea how much you helped without knowing it.

Im really happy for break, but i work like all of this week. And when we close grand prairie im gona have to work at northwoods more which means i actually have to work.

I'll be glad when the christmans season is over. The real reason for christmas was awesome, but what its been made into sucks.

I think some people from champaign are coming up next week to hang out with us. Im pretty stoked cuz they all are really cool kids. I really would like to move over there or something.

....I need my girl in pink....

Be blessed
-Brad-

Sun, 19 Dec 2004 07:10:39 GMT

Schools almost out for christmas, but im ready for school to be done forever.

This weekend hasnt really gone right till tonight, then everything seemed to change. I'm ready to see whats gona happen.

I called you one last time.
And it wasnt right, it wasnt the time.
You were with your new love.
Good luck, I'm happy for you.
But as for me,
Goodnight, and goodbye.

This week has been so hard for a lot of people. So many people have had thier faith rocked. We only see the now and what the past is, but there is someone that sees the big picture. And thats what we have to rely on.

Theres no point to this stupid thing anymore.

Eh oh well.

I'm glad break is coming up, and the winter retreats. I wish break was longer. Youth group is changing, not sure if i like it, but its not what i like it or not, its my place to serve right now.

Up against the world.

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 03:26:31 GMT

Feel the pain teaching us how much more we can take
Reminding us how far we've come
Let the pain burn away from our hearts

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 04:39:09 GMT

Lizzy5710: welcome to my block list again
Lizzy5710 signed off at 8:48:23 PM.

how about that. I try but i still fail. I come off to her as a jerk, but i really do wana fix things. Give me a break im a jerk sometimes. So if you read this yeah. how about that.

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 03:57:18 GMT

From jumping on the inside, to wanting you to fall out of a window.

Yeah today was pretty crappy. School sucked work sucked and the drive home sucked.

Hopefully the week will get better.

The days are growing darker, darker than our harden hearts.
I fear the rain is just the tears of the angels.
Heavenly host crying over our lost love.

Looks like oklahoma will just be me nick and robbie t(in the house). Were gona kick it old school trip style.

-brad-

Tue, 30 Nov 2004 04:25:18 GMT

She called me tonight outa no where. I was jumping for joy on the inside. It's pretty beyond me whats gona happen.

Today was a waste. I learned almost nothing at school and didnt get to see who i normally go to school to see. Hopefully this weekend will still be oklahoma. I think im gona tape our journies.

How did i end up here again. It seems to be a common cross road with nothing in common. I dont understand the relationship, the draw from me to you. My heart is else where, but last night i felt a pull. Walk away and never look back seems logical, but so does going back to my past dreams.

I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping...

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

This entry sounds to "emo"/"mellowdramatic" but what the heck. If you dont like it oh well. I will pollute my livejournal anyway i see fit.

-brad-